Saturday, January 25, 2020

Same Old Story - But With A Different Ending


We now continue with the Jesus story begun on the previous posting.  Check there.  Who's to say this isn't the original one and the Biblical one is the alteration. 

On Monday November 20th (we are assuming) Jesus observed the animals and the birds in captivity in the temple and makes a whip of stems and goes and drives the cattle and the sheep out of the temple and many are egging him on to go do it.  They are Nazarites who came along with him to Jerusalem.   The temple police arrest Jesus and seven of his disciples, don’t ask me which ones, and fiveofthem escape and are never heard from again.  Judas is among those who ran away from the conflict.  When asked by onlookers whether Judas was one of his disciples, Judas denies being a disciple now but pretty much disowns him saying that Jesus is a menace to society.   Jesus and the seven disciples are put in a holding dungeon few people know about and their hands and feet were put in irons.  Meanwhile all of the people, many of then Nazarites are preparing to riot and the cries of “Save Now” can be heard.  In this case it’s the saving of the animals.  Jesus said “God’s house is meant to be a temple of prayer but you have turned it into a slaughter house”.   Jesus also said “As a sign of my authority to do this I say “Tear down this temple made with hands and in three days I will build up a temple not made with hands”.   Jesus continued to be pressed about his authority to act and Jesus then asks them a question about John the Baptist and where did he get his authority”.   The council is unable to answer the question for reasons given in the Gospels.  Jesus says “Neither will I tell you by what authority I do these things”.    Later on they haul Jesus out of the dungeon upon Judas saying he’s claiming to be God now.   Jesus is asked if he is a mortal man like any other man.  “With like passions”.   Jesus tells them he gets tired and hungry just like any other man.  He needs sustenance.  He also needs to be in prayer often, for he tells them that without the aid of the Father, he can do nothing”.   They throw him back in the dungeon with the others and they grill him what he talked about and Jesus says “Everything is cool”.   

Meanwhile Judas is watching the rioters with alarm.  They don’t have enough men to arrest them all.  In the midst of this chose three men dressed all in black come in and enter the prison complex.  The guards are scurrying around wondering if they are needed elsewhere.  The three men unlock the dungeon and unlock the irons and Jesus and the seven disciples are free.  They are told, “Remember, none oft this ever happened if anybody asks you.  Occasionally in the corridors people would see Jesus and his disciples being led out by the three angels of God or whoever and they would be stared at and be told “You didn’t see this.  You won’t remember this”.   They were told to go to John Mark’s parents.  They had a courtyard with a wrought iron gate and Jesus says Hi to Rhoda, the servant.   He sees a twelve year old boy hanging around and a disciple asks his name and he says “I am John, who is called Mark”.  And Jesus said “You will be instrumental in the spreading of the gospel in the coming years”.   They are escorted to a large upper room.  There they have a lot of maps to map out an escape route.  They are told that they will be headed to Egypt.  There Jesus said “There is much to learn from the people in Egypt.  They leave on foot without benefit of horses or donkeys.  While they are at John Mark’s house is when Jesus says “Up till now you haven’t had need of purse or sword.  But we no longer have access to the money Jesus kept for us.   Jesus says “He that lacks a sword must sell his coat and buy one, if you have to”.  Jesus disciples say “But Lord, winter is coming and it will be betting cold out”.   They are told that Egypt headed south is a safer destination than staying in Palestine, headed north or west, because Roman troops would soon be looking for them.  The disciples then ruminate among themselves.  

Somehow Mary Magdolane finds Judas and she complains to him “Jesus left without taking me with him”.   Judas says “There is a lot of danger on the road with highwaymen and rapists”.   But Judas also tried to let it be known that he thinks Jesus has taken leave of his senses and needs to be rounded up and found for his own good.  Judas contacts Roman soldiers that he knows.  He knows some who are good temple Jews, though in secret.  He enlists them to form a posse to bring Jesus and his disciples back.  But he’s having trouble getting volunteers he heeds.  There is a lot of talk but little action.  A whole day goes by and finally he’s comfortable that he’s found a mounted group that can catch up with Jesus and his disciples.  He knows the road Jesus will be traveling because Saturday night at Bethany he saw road maps that Jesus never bothered to share with his disciples that night or any other.  He shows the maps to the Roman troops.   Of course they can’t just go off duty unless they falsify some records and hope they aren’t discovered or else they themselves would be brought up on charges.  They take off southward.  The terrain is rough but it is rougher for Jesus and his men not being mounted.   This is now Tuesday and Tuesday night at nearly midnight they catch up to Jesus and his disciples at an encampment.  Jesus had set up a system where a few disciples would stand guard while the rest of them could get some sleep.  Jesus had a saying “Are there are not twelve hours in a day.  Move while you have the light.  The night is coming and is indeed here when no man can work”.   They approach with their lanterns and torches, for there was no moonlight.  Peter is the first to rouse and cuts off the ear of one of the troop’s personal servants.  This is the only healing Jesus is on record as doing, putting back the ear.   Jesus asks them “Whom do you seek” and they say “Jesus the Nazarite”.  Jesus said “I am he”.  He adds, “If you are seeking me then let the others go”.   They think about it a while and think it would be a pretty good idea.  After all, what can the headless body do by itself?   They are slow in escorting Jesus back to Jerusalem.  I would imagine they chained him to a trooper so they could get sleep at night.   They arrive back in Jerusalem about mid day Thursday.   They put Jesus in a holding cell.  Meanwhile as anticipated both Judas aand the troops are in trouble and Judas isn’t much help in saying “We did it for the Kingdom of Heaven”.   He said “We hope to bring about a paradise that is ruled by the temple priests”.  

Meanwhile the people of Jerusalem were wondering what had happened to their Messiah.  Many did not know he was back.  Others said he was already dead.  They conducted a trial for Judas and he was given the death penalty for what Pilate believed to be an attempted military coup.  The other troops were still in prison.  At the time they didn’t know when his execution date would be.  Jesus wasn’t tried  until Friday morning.  He had an audience before Pilate.  Jesus played the “Daddy” card.  He reminded Pilate that his father was Roman and also stated that he had never said anything against the Roman government or of even the vaguest attempt to overthrow the Roman government.  He said for nearly three years he  and his disciples never carried weapons but they only had done so now for  self defense reasons in case they encountered any highway men on the road.  Pilate decided to convict Jesus anyhow because his story sounded a little fishy.  But then one of Jesus’ fans reminded Pilate that last Passover Pilate did not free the usual one suspect that he customarily does and now would be a good time to even the score and  grant a belated favor.   When Judas heard what was in store he thought he should be freed on his merits but that Jesus didn’t deserve a get out of jail card.  His reasoning was Jesus was still dangerous to the people.  I think you know the rest of the story.  Pilate decides to give the people a choice.  It was maybe nine thirty in the morning and a crowd had already assembled though Pilate knew that most of those people would be biased toward Jesus.  When he asked the people who they wanted free they said Jesus the Nazarite.  Like I say the whole “of Nazareth” thing is a mistranslation.   When Jesus was free he immediately found a good donkey and set out down that same Egyptian road, though this time he was secure in that he was a free man under Roman law, as though he had done nothing wrong.  Meanwhile Judas was taken out and crucified.  He said of the women who had gathered “Women weep not for me but for yourselves.  For in the end times you will be saying to the mountains “fall on us” to hide us from the wrath to come.  Judas had still absorbed some of the apocraliptic imigry of the day.  He said “IF such injustices are done now, worst things will be done in the last day.   Judas was nailed between two thieves. 

Then there was a partial eclipse of the sun  for three hours from noon to three.  This explains the “darkness on the face of the land” line.  Naturally Judas took it as a sign.  People weren’t that schooled in how solar eclipses work.   Shortly after three Judas said “I am thirsty” and was given gall mixed with cheap wine.  Judas drank it and went into a swoon.  People believed he was dead.  Joseph of Arethmea was a secret follower of the sort of government Judas wanted involving a rule by the priests over the whole land.  It is unconfirmed how Joseph got Pilate to agree to give him the body.  The argument he put forth was that the sabbath was coming and it would be unlawful to have bodies hanging on the cross over the sabbath.  When the forces came to take the body down, which was still alive, one of the convicts said, “Save us, too” and uttered a bunch of other explititives featuring the word “bloody” a lot.  The other convict, whose name was Demas,  said “Do you not fear God.  This man did nothing wrong”.   Meanwhile Jesus continued on his trek to Egypt.  Eventually he met up with Peter and John at the designated place they had discussed at John Mark’s house.  Jesus says “There are only two of you?” and Peter and John explained how the others grew restless and didn’t want to continue with the journey anymore.  Jesus then said to Peter and John “Behold many are called; few are chosen”.  Meanwhile Saturday was the sabbath.  I think you know the rest of the story.  Mary Magdolane and the two other women had never seen the grave, the tomb.  Early Sunday morning they went out to look at it, expecting to find a sealed grave and no expectation that they would find that the stone had not yet been rolled into place.  Joseph had treated the body with spices and wrappings and just left the grave open, so that the night air would revive Judas.  When Mary and the others came in to look at what was in the grave they were greeted with “Who’s there” and were startled to find Judas there still lying in his wrappings.  He said he had been an innocent ritual sacrifice and that he alone had overcome death. 

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