Saturday, January 25, 2020

Passing the Dr Phil Test


This is a version of the gospel where Jesus and seven of his disciples escape to Egypt eventually and Judas is crucified on November 24th AD 29.  We're just giving you the first part of it in this blog post.  I don’t deny the sovereignty of Jesus; on the contrary I affirm it.  Still I would like to suggest an alternate path to “sitting on the right hand side of God in heaven” where all power has been given unto him.  In the story I am forming in my mind, there are various things- though minor- that Jesus says and does that vary ever so slightly from the Jesus of the Gospels.   I could call the story “I’m on the Lamb, but I ain’t no sheep” from the BOC song.  Another alternative title is “The Real Gospel of Judas”, as opposed to the gospel of Judas we’ve heard about all these years where he’s only doing Jesus’ will.  The Judas in this story isn’t a very likable fellow and he isn’t driven by personal doubts or pangs of.  conscience
I have Jesus and his disciples going to Jerusalem around November 20th.  This is five or six weeks after he was there on the Feast of Tabernacles and I’m excising the stuff in December from the narrative I went to propound like it didn’t happen.  I question whether John chapters nine or ten are anointed.  In chapter nine Jesus says that the blind man’s blindness was caused neither by his sin nor his parents’ sin, but that the glory of God might be revealed.  I know God well enough to know that God is not that hard-up for cheap glory that he’s willing to inconvenience a man’s whole life all for a quick rush of praise from others.   Besides the story falls apart when you realize that my vision has not been healed that that’s a whole lifetime of inconvenience.   God doesn’t reason that way.   Also in chapter ten we have all of the “I AM” statements.   I am the door, I am the good shepherd.   I am a loaf of bread.  I am a block of wood.  In the text Jesus says he has the ability to lay down his own life, and if he has the ability to lay his life down, he has the ability to take it up again.   Life doesn’t work that way.  Nobody has ever died and then decided they are going to take up their old life again.   Jesus also uses the analogy of the shepherd who becomes the door so that the wolf can’t get in with going past the guard.  That would mean that for the chosen, no bad person or thing can get to them to mess up their life and do them harm.   Jesus also in this chapter says “My sheep know my voice.  A robber they will not listen to”.    If I were truly a Christian I would fixate on the voice of the Church and know that I knew I was among the chosen.  

Dr Phil says that we are given a choice of happiness or being “right” but that we can’t have both and Dr Phil says, “I would rather be happy than right”.  I would turn around and say “If I can’t be right, I know I’ll never really be happy”.   A lot of us have inner morality we can’t violate.   Trying to fake like you’re a Christian to “go along to get along” hasn’t worked for me.   Also Dr Phil says “You only miss the Church because you miss what you wish that it were” and not how it really is.  That phrase is telling.  Dr Phil also has another saying, “How’s THAT working our for you?”   People get asked that question as a taunt of something they’re trying out for a few days to see if it works.  I became a Born Again Christian over forty years ago.  Someone has every right to ask me “How’s THAT working out for you?”   Also we’d never talk about the cross if Dr Phil has his way.  Dr Phil asks a person to tell his hard luck story over and over and says “Are you sure that I’ve got it now?”  And the person will say “Yes, I believe you understand”.  And then Dr Phil comes back with the bombshell of saying “Don’t you EVER bring that up to me again”.   With these four sayings of Dr Phil you’d think he would never be a born again Christian.  Yet he is a professing Christian.  Of course he’s been a Christian “BT” or “Before Trump”.   I haven’t polled him to find out that whether in this “Trump Era” that Dr Phil still feels the same way even with every Christian and his dog making affirmations of both Jesus Christ and Donald Trump.  

In my new story we again start at Jesus and his disciples in the home of Mary and Martha in Bethany on that Saturday night.  We could open with Jesus wrapping up a Sabbath service, which would be a first for any Jesus movie.  We would Segway into the “message session” with Mary Magdolane and the expensive perfume and Judas complaining about the cost of the perfume but also alluding to the fact that these “message sessions” are a regular occurrence and not a one-time thing.  Jesus responds that he’s her money and she can spend it any way she wants and then he adds “You’re only jealous because she is giving me love that you are unable to give me”.    The disciples all want to know is what happens when they ride into Jerusalem and Jesus tells them that they worry too much.   Jesus says “Things will work out the way they are meant to work out”.    The next day, Sunday, you have all of the Hosannah stuff going on and Jesus saying the rocks and stones would shout out if every tongue were to go silent.   You also have Jesus’ Greatest Hits, where he talks about asking and seeking and knocking and you’ll get an answer and having faith as a mustard seed to move mountains.  You also have the parable of the widow and the judge and persistence in prayer pays dividends.  But you also have stuff about living in an era of peace, and God will call the peace-makers sons of God.  We just live in a world where they follow the Golden Rule and we are all brothers and also children of God.  Also we must not live in a world where man oppresses man or where God oppresses animal.  Because Jesus is a Nazarate, a fact that will play in later on, and so you have the idea of only eating fish and also of growing your hair long.  The old woman giving her two mites was featured this day.  Judas wants to pay her a generous amount from the contributions they get and Jesus restrains him saying “If you reimburse her you’ll be taking away her heavenly reward”.   Judas is a little insensed at this proclamation.  That evening, Sunday evening, they are again in the house in Bethany.  Now Judas and Simon the Zealot want to know where this is all headed.  Judas is concerned because the previous month allusions were made about Jesus being born of fornication with a Roman soldier, and also that he called certain Jews children of the devil. And Jesus says “Anyone who does the works of the devil is a child of the devil”.   Philip asks why more people weren’t healed today.  And he says he wants a road map of faith.  And Jesus says that everyone has to work out their own faith.  This is their lot in life.  And if they have sufficient faith they will be able to do all things.   Jesus is asked about taking over rulership and Jesus says “First there is only one thing that needs to be done. “ and Matthew says “Yeah, one thing- - which is usually a really big one”.   The next morning, Monday morning, they passed by the same fig tree again- - the one Jesus has cursed the day before and now the tree is withered and missing almost all of its leaves having lost them in just one day.  The disciples say “This can’t bode well for the Jews” and Jesus says “you’ll find out”.  
I’ll continue this narrative on another day.  Quo Vatis means “Where are you going?” and the question is to where Jesus is going this week is something I as the script writer need to provide an answer for unless I want to bore my audience, if it’s something other than going to the cross.   And it is. 

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